


Fireworks and Gunshots

by messedup



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Bonfire Night, But mostly fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panick Attack, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, death mention, shooting mention, what a surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 19:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21081833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup/pseuds/messedup
Summary: Based on a prompt of Ben and Callum spending Bonfire Night together and Ben being there for Callum when something triggers his PTSD.





	Fireworks and Gunshots

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on this prompt, which was submitted to the @ballum-fic-wishes blog on tumblr:  
I would love a fic about Ben and Callum going to a bonfire night celebration, but it triggers Callum’s ptsd from being in the army. Some angst but Ben being super caring and helping him through it!
> 
> I felt kinda stuck with my writing for two weeks or something and it was getting really frustrating so I used this amazing prompt to try to get through it. Im actually not happy with how it turned out at all and debated if I should even post this all day, but I really, really hope its not too bad and that the lovely anon who submitted the prompt is happy with this!

The night air was cold. So cold that Callum could see his breath coming out in little clouds before him. 

He hadn´t expected it to be quite so freezing when he had dressed a few hours earlier for the night out, deciding against his winter jacket and leaving his scarf at home. At least he had put on his hat again, he thought, as the wind picked up and the cold air seeped through his clothes, leaving him shivering. 

Trying to warm himself up a bit, Callum stepped closer to the bonfire. He had always loved bonfire nights, ever since he was little. Something about the colourful fireworks lighting up the dark sky and the warm, orange light of the flames slowly burning down the wood. 

Callum shivered as another breeze tore at his clothes. He sighed gratefully when he felt Ben´s arms wrap around him from behind. 

“Told ya to dress warmer.”, Ben whispered into his ear, no doubt standing on his tip-toes to reach him. Callum could tell he was smirking solely from the tone of his voice. He rolled his eyes fondly as his boyfriend nudged his nose against his neck.

“Well, that´s what I´ve got you for, aint I? To warm me up?”, Callum teased back. Ben only scoffed in response, but planted a kiss on his shoulder nonetheless. Keeping one arm around him, he came around to stand next to him. 

For a while they stayed like that, Ben leaning into Callum, his head on his shoulder, both looking into the bonfire in front of them. Callum took in a deep breath, smiling as he let it out again. He still couldn´t believe he got to have this. That this was his life now.

“I´m gonna go get myself another beer. You want one, too?”, Ben asked as he untucked himself from Callum´s hold, taking the long empty bottle from his hand. Callum immediately missed his warmth.

“Yeah, ta.” Ben gave a nod in response before disappearing somewhere into the darkness. He was gone for some minutes, leaving Callum alone to watch the bonfire burn down, loosing himself in his thoughts. 

Suddenly, there was a loud, almost deafening sound right behind him. It took Callum so much by surpirise that it made him jump. 

His heart began to race, picking up it´s pace until he was sure it would come out of his chest. He couldn´t breathe. He desperately tried gasping for air, but his panic only increased when he felt like he couldn´t fill his lungs properly. 

There was this sudden certainty that he was going to die. Whether it was his heart giving out or the lack of oxygen killing him first. 

More loud noises, this time more distant. 

Gunshots, he thought. 

The sound echoed through his mind. Every fiber in his body screamed at him to run away, get to safety somehow. But he couldn´t move. However much he tried, it was like his legs -his whole body- was paralyzed if not for the tremble that shook him. 

What was wrong with him? Why was his body failing him? His mind was racing and he could practically feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins. 

Callum tried to focus, realized there were voices around him but couldn´t quite make out anything in particular. He was too much in his own head. A few more frantic gasps of air later one voice cleared out from the white noise.

“Cal! Hey, can you hear me?” Ben. “Can you squeeze my hand, babe?”

Callum´s gaze dropped. He only realized that Ben was holding his hand when he saw that their fingers were intertwined. He tried to close his hand, to give Ben the sign he had asked for, but his fingers were numb and he only managed a weak movement.

“It´s okay, yeah? It´s gonna be fine.” Callum was startled when Ben´s other hand moved along his cheek, stopping at his jaw. Another touch he hadn´t even noticed until now. 

“Can you look at me?”, Ben said as his thumb gently turned Callum´s face towards him. It took a long moment, but finally Callum´s eyes focused again. The first thing he realized was the tears building up in his boyfriend´s eyes. The terrified, worried expression. And then the relief when he saw Callum coming out of his haze.

“Ben.” He didn´t recognize his own voice. “I´m sorry...´m sorry.”

“Hey, you´ve got nothing to be sorry for! C´mere.” He pulled Callum into his arms, holding him close. “You´re gonna be okay.”

It was grounding somehow, and as Callum slowly bacame more aware of his surroundings again, he noticed the crowds of people around them. Their stares seemed to bore into him.

Ben noticed his discomfort. Of course he did. Turning around -though still one arm halfway slung around him- he scoffed at them. “What are you staring at?”

It still baffled Callum how quickly Ben could go from soft and caring to being the hard man. 

The circle around them began to lighten, but Ben gently nudged his side, pulling him away from the bonfire. He lead him to his nearby parked car. As he closed the door the noises became muffled and Callum was overcome by a wave of relief. Feeling as though the two of them were shut off from the world outside, in their own little bubble, Callum let his head fall to Ben´s chest. There were tears in his eyes as Ben´s arms came up around him once again. 

He couldn´t tell how long they stayed like that. Ten minutes or two hours, his sense of time seemed broken somehow. Just like him, he thought. However, Ben kept his hold strong and comforting, his hands rubbing soothing circles into his tense shoulders and his voice whispering soft words of reassurance in his ear. 

“Thank you.”, Callum mumbled when his tears finally began to cease.

“Does this happen often? Panic attacks?”, Ben asked, his voice calm, but laced with worry.

“No”, Callum sighed, “I mean, you know about the nightmares, but nothing like this. Not in a while. Used to happen more often right after I got back from the army, but it got better.” He paused, breathing in shakily. “It was just... there was this sudden loud bang. Probably just some firecracker, but I guess it just took me back there.”

Tightening his hold even more, Ben kissed his temple. “You wanna talk about it?”

For a long moment, Callum was silent, didn´t know where to start. But once he started, his voice hoarse and shaky, everything seemed to spill out. Ben just listened without interruption. His fingers never stopped stroking his back. Dropping more kisses to his head from time to time. As the tears came back, he wiped them away gently.

When Callum finished after what seemed like an eternity later to him, he was barely able to keep his eyes open. He knew from experience how exhausting this kind of emotional turmoil could be, but was surprised nonetheless at just how difficult it was to stay awake now.

“Let´s get you home, yeah?”, Ben said as he saw him yawn.

Callum raised his head, realized how stiff his body was from being folded in one position this whole time. “You don´t have to do this. Leave, because of me, I mean.”

Ben looked at him as if he were crazy. “Right, and what am I supposed to do here on my own, if I haven´t got to keep you warm?”, he joked.

Callum rolled his eyes at him and let out a quiet laugh. He looked up at him gratefully. “You´re the best.”

“I know.”, Ben said, grinning smugly. 

He moved to untangle himself from Callum but his boyfriend caught his arm and pulled him back into a soft, lingering kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! <3
> 
> Feedback is always much appreciated :) Also come chat with me on tumblr if you like @stillamess22 or submit your own fic ideas that you want to see written @ballum-fic-wishes!


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